Blegh
by NordicRanger
Summary: A parody I wrote.


I do not own any books, movies, magazines, short stories, or television programs including, but not limited to, that which the following is based on.

I wrote a parody. Enjoy, or not, it's your choice.

Itchy-go: My name is Itchy-go, and in addition to being a loner between the ages of 14 and 18, I also see dead people. Recently my innate powers of the spirit allowed me to become a soul reaper; I have a sword and wear a kind of masculine kimono thingamajig.

Audience: Hold on a second, this is exactly like half a dozen other anime on adult swim and/or toonami. Good gracious, is there no such thing as creativity? That tears it, I'm not watching this anymore!

The Audience does so.

Itchy-go's Father: Hey son, I'm your extremely crazy father and I'm going to do some really ridiculous things such as fist fight with you and accuse you of perversion.!!!!!!!!!

Itchy-go: Must you?

Itchy-go's Father grabs Itchy-go's shoulders and shakes him violently.

Itchy-go's Father: Of course I must!!!!! This is the only real source of humor that the writers can think of!!!!

Itchy-go: Then the writers are two-bit hacks. I'm gona go see what my classmates are up to at school.

Later. At School.

Classmates: Hi Itchy-go, we're your classmates. Some of us are depicted in the opening credits, and as such, one might assume that latter in the series some of us will become more important, but for now the Audience can ignore us.

Rukia enters and casts meaningful glares around the room.

Rukia: Itchy-go, I need to tell you something important about being a soul reaper.

Itchy-go: Question. Why don't you just tell me everything I need to know about being a soul reaper at once instead of in these small doses. That way when the unexpected happens I can be somewhat prepared.

Rukia: Because that would be logical, and logic has no place on this show. Also the writers need more time to make stuff up. Anyway, I'm getting an assignment . . .

Rukia looks at her cell phone.

Rukia(count.): . . . Apparently the soul society wants to be "BFF, LOL", uhg, this is the last time I buy a used cell phone!

Itchy-go: Say, there's been something I wanted to ask you . . .

Rukia: Latter, I'm getting a _real_ assignment now. A hollow has been sighted in downtown Japan.

Itchy-go: Sighted? But aren't they invisible?

Rukia casts a meaningful glare at him.

Itchy-go: Oh alright, I'll go; It's not like anyone will notice I've been missing so much school lately anyway.

Latter Still In Downtown Japan.

Hollow: Rawr, time to eat some souls!

Itchy-go: Not if I have anything to say about it . . .

He points at the Hollow.

Itchy-go(count.): Spirit Gun!

Rukia(casting a meaningful glare): Wrong show.

Itchy-go: O.K. then, . . .

He strikes a fighting stance.

Itchy-go(count.): Kamehameha!

Rukia: Wrong show.

Itchy-go: So I don't have a spirit gun or the Kamehameha wave, do I at least have laser claws?

Rukia: Laser what?!?

Itchy-go: Laser claws, like on Inuyasha.

Rukia: Those aren't laser claws. Lasers are a focused coherent beam of light energy; it isn't possible for a person to have laser claws. Here, I'll use an illustration to show you.

She draws several pictures. Itchy-go looks at them.

Itchy-go: Oh, that makes sense.

Rukia: Ahem.

Itchy-go: What?

Rukia: You have to insult my rather basic artistic skills.

Itchy-go: Do I have to? I mean, it's just a quick sketch meant to prove a point, not a commissioned illustration.

Rukia: Yes, you have to. It's in your contract.

Itchy-go: Very well, your drawings suck.

Rukia punches him in the face knocking him to the ground.

Itchy-go: Right in my (Expletive Deleted) face! What is the matter with you?!?

Rukia: That's in _my_ contract.

She hands Itchy-go her contract. He reads it.

Itchy-go: Wow it even says, right in the (Expletive Deleted) face, that's specific. Also, my agent is fired.

Rukia: Can we get back to fighting the Hollow now.

She points at the Hollow who has been occupying himself with playing ticktacktoe.

Itchy-go: Alright, but what do I fight with?

Rukia: The oversized sword on your back.

Itchy-go(drawing the sword): Oh great, what's it do? Does it have a monomolecular edge, or maybe it vibrates at just the frequency to make matter fall apart on contact?

Rukia: No, it's magic.

Itchy-go stares blankly.

Rukia: Really, really good magic!

Itchy-go: That is so weak.

Rukia: Just kill the stupid Hollow with the stupid sword!

Itchy-go: Here I go . . .

He jumps in the air.

Itchy-go(count.): Wind-Scar!

Rukia: Still the wrong (sigh), oh whatever . . .

Itchy-go kills the Hollow. The hollow disintegrates like on Digimon.

Itchy-go: Hey Rukia, You know that thing I wanted to ask you about earlier?

Rukia: Yeah?

Itchy-go: What exactly are you accomplishing by going undercover as an exchange student at my school?

Rukia: I think it's because the writers decided I looked "cute" in a schoolgirl outfit.

Itchy-go: Wow, and I though "really, really good magic" was weak.

Rukia(casting a meaningful glare): Sit, boy!

Itchy-go: Wrong show.

The End.


End file.
